I used to think I had things under control. That is I believed I “knew” what was going on. As I became more aware I realized that everything that I knew was just information that I had learned from other people. I had unknowingly agreed with the ideas of other people about how the world worked, how people behaved, even what I was and what I wasn’t.
My next wave or realizations involved learning that what I knew wasn’t true. This was humbling. It was also unsettling to realize that what I thought of the world and other people wasn’t true. It was somewhat fearful to realize that the authorities that I looked to for direction and understanding of my world,,, didn’t always know what they were talking about.
Teachers didn’t know everything there was to know about life. Professors of physics couldn’t explain why any particles were here, or what was the force driving the ones they could see. Wake up in your adult years and learn that there may not be such a thing as gravity. Clergy weren’t always living a life of respect, love, and happiness so how could they guide others.
As I became more aware I noticed that more and more of the ideas in my own head weren’t true. I had less to say because of this.
There was temptations to grab hold of a theology or philosophy for safety and claim it is what I believe in. It will guide me. But something within was holding out for Truth.
In the process of letting go of what I believed I knew that I knew less. Over time I moved through the uncomfortable emotions that arise as we dissolve the chatter of internal dialog in the mind. Embracing humility was liberating me from my Self Importance (ego). There was freedom in not knowing. What was a fearful process was becoming a quiet and peaceful mind.
For the spiritual warrior one of the challenges is to control the knowledge that is in their mind. For ordinary men and women this doesn’t mean anything. That is because knowledge and ideas run around in their mind uncontrolled and they don’t even notice.
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