Upon reading about domestication. I had this awful awareness that I will be placing these walls around my own children’s thought by using positive and negative reinforcement . I was wondering if you had any recommendations how to avoid these patterns or if there are any books out there to help . Thank you in advance....... Concerned ParentDear Concerned, This is a question I hear a lot and it often comes from a concerned parent becoming more aware of themselves, and how their actions impact their child's emotions and beliefs that will be with them a long time. First let's explain the term "domestication," which Miguel uses in his book. It means a system of punishments and rewards used to modify other people's behavior. We reward kids with praise, dessert, hugs, and attention. We punish with isolation in their room, time out, scoldings, anger, and criticism. As we become more aware as human beings we realize that some of what we say and do to children may affect them emotionally well into their adult lives. That kind of realization makes us much more vigilant in how we use the power of our word and emotions. There is much more to this issue of applying the tools of the Four Agreements to your relationships, so this is only a short overview. First, the truth is that you have to domesticate your children. It is best if children learn about the world of punishments and rewards of the world from people who love them. If they don't learn of the world of punishments and rewards from you, then the world will teach them those experiences. If they don't follow some basic rules,,,, then the police will eventually catch up with the. Case in point,,, Paris Hilton.
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